5 Tips to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse
We may have been watching too much of AMC’s The Walking Dead lately but the question has come to us one more than one occasion lately… “what would we do in the Zombie Apocalypse?”
Tip #1 – Wear Leather
We’re all on the same page about how you become a zombie, right? You have to get bit. If this is such common knowledge then why don’t more people in zombie movies just put on a heavy leather jacket? Have you ever tried to bite through one of those hard-boiled numbers that you see on the Sons of Anarchy? Not doing it. A chain-mail shirt would obviously be best but I’m sure you’ll be closer to a Wilson’s leather than a medieval armorer when the zombie apocalypse hits your town.
Tip #2 – Don’t Use a Gun
Do you know how to make bullets? Yeah, I don’t either. Chances are, unless you’re living in the former USSR or you’re a bullet manufacturer you don’t have the means or wherewithal to make the stuff needed to out last the zombies. Better to get familiar with a katana or a trusty nail-bat. Both are pretty available and easy to wield against the sluggish undead. Why not give yourself the advantage of longevity?
For those of you who insist on a ranged approach, why not get a bow? This option is quiet, reusable, and gives you the option of making more arrows down the line. All distinct advantages over the common gun. Besides, you’ll get style points.
Tip #3 – Learn How to Sail
You want to learn how to be self sustainable and have a skill that allows you to get the hell out of dodge without using fuel? Take it from a registered captain, learn how to sail. You’ll be everyone’s first pick when you casually mention that you can pilot a 47′ schooner to a remote island in the Caribbean. You’ll be like those kids who could play guitar in college, everyone will love you. Stack that on the fact that you’ll be equipped to put some serious distance in between any land bound zombies and yourself.
Tip #4 – Find a Horse, Preferably a Big One
Sure, a Ford F-150 will take you and five of your best friends through a sea of zombies like a Coast Guard Ice Breaker through the Bering Sea but, back to our bullet conversation, how long will that last? Get yourself a Clydesdale and put some armor on that beast, now you’re cooking. There’s a reason feudal knights on horseback were the terror of armies for a thousand years. You’re now atop a mean, kicking, armored, beast that runs on grass. Good job you.
Tip #5 – Consider One of These
While completely impractical as far as ammunition goes (what kind of belt would you need to wear to have one of these?) the sheer awesomeness of the rocket-propelled chainsaw launcher should allow you to carve yourself a little patch of paradise. Maybe even a European castle. Something easy to hold in a sea of hungry zombies. Not to mention, with a rocket-propelled chainsaw launcher, you’ll be the envy of all your friends.
Have a tip to survive the zombie apocalypse? Let us know in the comments below!
14 thoughts on “5 Tips to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse”
I’m actually pretty surprised by how practical the first four tips are, I genuinely think I have a better chance of surviving the zombie apocalypse now… thank you.
Also, thank you for the chainsaw launcher, you know it needed to happen. Impracticality is part of the fun.
Bahahaha…. You guys look totally ready for anything. Zombies should be afraid of YOU! 😀
And indeed they are!
Just what I needed – at airport, flight delayed. You guys made me smile!
Glad to make you smile! We hope those tips come in handy someday too.
Madness, I tell ya’. I’m totally doing the Mongol Rally with y’all. I’m totally safe with you two.
Hahaha.. well at least I know who to turn for help. Y’all look prepared.
You have given me plenty of food for thought. I mean, I was unaware of the zombie invasion. The choice of tools has me baffled: I don’t even know how to spell the 2nd tool Tawny picked. And I fear a bow & arrow make me look like the girl in The Hunger Games. While I do my research, I do suggest you name your plan ZAPPY: Zombie Awareness & Preparedness Plan, Y’all.
Love the bow tip….there’s a reason Daryl Dixon has stayed alive so long.
Oh John, you are speaking the truth! Daryl is one of our favorite characters!
I love the pictures that accompany this post and the video is funny too. I agree, get on a boat and sail.
Haha, this is great! And, I actually feel better about the possibility of this happening. Now I at least feel prepared…
totally wish i learned guitar for college… but if this apocalypse goes down, I can sail… good to know i’ll be desired.
stay adventurous, Craig
these survival tip are zombie fide and deadly.