Manuary – How to be a man

The coldest, darkest time of year can teach us many things. One of the most important however, is how to be a man. This January, Captain and Clark celebrate Manuary, or the art of being a man. Whether it’s taking care of the ones you love or knowing how to tie a knot that keeps your bag together on the road, there’s a lot to being a man. Here are some manly tips and tricks for the traveling gentleman to keep in his pocket.

Day 1 – How to wrestle a tigerWrestle a tiger

 

So, you want to learn how to wrestle a tiger? There is a specific art to wrestling a tiger. It starts with rule #1: Don’t. However, if you are feeling the manly urge to assert your dominance over the Earth’s greatest predator why not try starting with a small one. Or, even, a stuffed one. Or just go visit a tiger and pay your respects.

Day 2 – How to listen to a woman

how to be a better listener

 

So you want to listen to women? Well good luck. Β You have a better chance of learning the French version of Morse Code. However, if you’re determined and you want to learn how to be a man you need to start by learning how to listen to a woman. The first rule is to forget everything you know about listening to men. When men talk to one another they want help with their problems. When women talk to you they want support and encouragement, but not help. Look alert, sharp, and concerned, but remain silent. Like stalking a wild horse, your job is to observe and then comment without advice. Let’s try this illustrative example:

If a woman says: “The board of regents is really giving me trouble today. I’m so tired of all their last-minute requests.”

You respond:

A.) Why don’t you tell them that you need more time off? (WRONG)

B.) I’ll call them and tell them that you’re too busy to do that. (WRONG)

C.) You should probably work less or tell them how you feel. (REALLY WRONG)

D.) Don’t they know how hard you work? You are so under valued by your colleges. (YES! Bravo, you.)

Remember the key to listening is not talking.

Day 3 – How to use sailing terminology

How to use sailing terms

 

Nothing quite says manhood like using sailing terms in landlocked situations. This reminds everyone how worldly and capable you are. Here are a few easy to remember terms to use in your daily course.

I’m going to hit the head = I’m going to the bathroom

I was three sheets to the wind = I was really drunk

Why don’t you cast off that moor-line? = Relax

Keep a weather-eye on your mizzen = Watch your back

I’d like to keelhaul that scallywag = I want to bind that person’s hands and legs and drag them along the razor-sharp, barnacle encrusted, underside of my ship until they are torn apart or drowned.

Day 4 – How to play poker

How to play poker

 

If you’re truly intent on being a man (or celebrating manhood) then you need to embrace poker. There are more types of poker than fish in the sea, but let’s talk Texas hold ’em. For those of you looking to learn how to play poker here’s a few tips to help. Print off the sheet of poker hands below. If your two cards (the two you get dealt) and any of the five cards on the table make (there will be three rounds of cards getting put on the table, first 3, then 1, and then 1 more) one of those combinations, you’re good. Truly helpful hints are:

Don’t turn your back to the door. – Know when to hold them and when to fold them. – If someone tells you that can’t play, they’re lying.

How to play poker

Day 5 – How to be a better swordsman

IMG_1697

 

There are almost as many varieties of sword as there are variations on poker. However, here are some helpful hints on swordsmanship that are universal. You always want to put the pointy part into the other person, not yourself. Outside of that remember that when you parry (that means block) try to keep the pointy tip pointed at your enemy’s chest and to move the hilt of the sword. This allows you to roll the enemy’s sword away and have your tip ready for the attack. Also, if you must use french words when fencing please do so responsibly. “En garde,” means “Get ready.” “Touche,” actually means “touch,” as in “You got a point.” You can at least sound deadly in your next sword confrontation, if not be deadly.

Day 6 – How to give a wedding toast

How to give a speech at a wedding

 

One of the marks of a great man is his ability to give a compelling toast. Be it a birthday or wedding make sure that you leave no heart un-roused or eye dry. While on the road you might find yourself in the position to say something, don’t be caught off guard. The formula for an on-the-fly toast is fairly simple.

#1: Open with a self-depreciating joke. This allows your audience to warm up to you, you’re funny, humble, and connected. Boom.

#2: Tell a personal story that everyone already knows. This allows you to become an authority, you are shedding new light on an old story. Just like that you and your audience are now co-conspirators.

#3: Give some metaphor for life. Metaphors involving the sea rarely miss the mark.

#4: Raise your glass. Savor the fruits of social conquest.

Please consult the compelling clip of the Count of Monte Cristo below for a fine example of what a toast should look like.

 

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13 Comments

  1. Julie Sheridan
    January 17, 2013 at 6:31 am - Reply

    “Keep a weather-eye on your mizzen”. Not a phrase I say often enough, quite frankly.
    Julie Sheridan recently posted…The Big Flat FlitMy Profile

  2. Nico
    January 20, 2013 at 1:49 am - Reply

    I must say if you’re winning a game of poker and you’ve got him on your lap then somethings gone very wrong with the world πŸ˜‰
    Nico recently posted…Living Through a FloodMy Profile

  3. Toni
    January 20, 2013 at 8:44 am - Reply

    LOVE this post Chris – humorous and yet pretty spot on. And of course, every man needs to know how to be a swordsman! It should be a school requirement πŸ˜€

  4. @mrsoaroundworld
    January 21, 2013 at 9:28 am - Reply

    Love love love – Tawny, as he’s been so good, maybe he can be allowed to come and play (i.e. blog) more often? Loved the smart suit at wedding. Suits him!

  5. lola
    January 21, 2013 at 10:34 am - Reply

    OMG you are too funny! LOVE this. and you are so spot on with the man/woman thing and talking and listening. EVERY man should read that part and study it very carefully.

    πŸ˜‰
    lola recently posted…60 Shades of Awesome at 60 ThompsonMy Profile

  6. Pola (@jettingaround)
    January 21, 2013 at 1:50 pm - Reply

    I can’t speak for being a swordsman, although it seems like a great skill to have, but you got this one right for sure: “When women talk to you they want support and encouragement, but not help.” Tawny’s in good hands! haha
    Pola (@jettingaround) recently posted…Photo of the Week: On the trail in Boulder, ColoradoMy Profile

  7. Traveling Ted
    January 21, 2013 at 8:01 pm - Reply

    I would comment here, but I am busy taking notes.
    Traveling Ted recently posted…Kaieteur Falls tour tips in GuyanaMy Profile

  8. Raul (@ilivetotravel in Twitter)
    January 22, 2013 at 5:12 pm - Reply

    Can’t WAIT for what Chris will come up with for February! I love this concept of a “month of” posts from him πŸ˜‰
    Raul (@ilivetotravel in Twitter) recently posted…The Highlights of Food and Wine in 2012. Mostly Food.My Profile

  9. the lazy travelers
    January 23, 2013 at 4:31 am - Reply

    we’d like to request a future post of more useful sailing terms for our everyday lives. we’ll work on arrrrgggh pirate accents in the meantime.
    the lazy travelers recently posted…travel announcement: vegas, baby!My Profile

  10. Colleen Brynn
    January 25, 2013 at 7:57 am - Reply

    This is an adorable post. Particularly love the part about listening to a woman… more men should probably read this. πŸ˜‰
    Colleen Brynn recently posted…A Very Special Sneak PeekMy Profile

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